Kappa's Revenge
by Lone Kunoichi
Summary: Kappa is sick and tired of everyone teasing him and making fun of him and carp like that, thus he decides to get revenge with a little help from the sprites who also feel abused. The plan: Reveal Mineral Town's secerts on TV!
1. The Plan

A Brief Note: If this story seems somewhat familiar....That's because it's simply a rewritten version of the previous Know Your Stars: Mineral Town that I had uploaded before. However, that was removed due to "interactive, chat/script, real person, mst, and etc". Anyways, I knew that a lot of people liked it and so I decided to rewrite it so it would fit the rules and be more humerous.

Oh, I still don't own Harvest Moon, Know Your Stars, or sanity.

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_There were many things that Mineral Town was known for, such as the inhabitants, the wildlife, the fresh produce shipped daily, and the ability to connect with A Wonderful Life using a link cable. But out of all of Mineral Town's wonders, the most marvelous of them all was the legend of the Harvest Goddess, despite the fact that almost every single town had one of those legends. Besides, it was a well-known fact in Mineral Town that their legend was the best. It stated that the Goddess lived in Goddess Lake (very original of them, no?) and you could throw offerings to her in there. Those who were pure of heart, or simply those that the Goddess wasn't mad at, could be granted the privilege to gaze upon her visage._

_Or maybe Jack truly was insane._

_Either way, something was missing from the list of Mineral Town's marvels._

_Almost every town had a legend about the Harvest Goddess, but not every town had a Kappa._

_This would easily explain why Kappa was so enraged that he wasn't on the list. So he wasn't as good with people as the Harvest Goddess. She had merely had more experience with them. He rarely got any visitors at his pond except for maybe an occasional clueless farmer who would accidently drop something in the pond and then run away screaming as soon as they saw the green oni._

_Truth be told, Kappa was sick and tired of everyone teasing him and making fun of him and other stuff like that. But he couldn't come right out and say that to their faces. They would most likely be terrified or bemused._

_Desperate for help, Kappa turned to the sprites for aid. They were the smartest beings he knew besides the Goddess, and she didn't take Kappa seriously either. Besides, he and the sprites related to each other in the fact that no one really gave a second thought to either of them. But the sprites, at least, got along with people...More or less._

_But during the many chats with tea and sympathetic hugs, Kappa learned that the sprites didn't have it any better then he did. They were always overworked and were paid in flour. They were all pretty sure that 50g was below minimum wage but they were sprites, not humans. _

_It simply was not just, in any which way shape or fashion. But there seemed to be nothing any of them could do to solve their dilemma._

_Well...At least...Nothing legal, as Timid had pointed out. _

_"Um...Well...I'm not sure it's a very good idea," Timid said, tracing a circle on the wooden floor with his toes._

_"What is it?" demanded Bold._

_"Well...I was thinking that...We could maybe...um...Tease them back for revenge..." Timid said softly._

_They all just stared at the sprite for a while before Aqua clapped their hands once, "That's it! We'll get revenge on them!"_

_"But, how?" Chef questioned, brining logic up to the table._

_The cursed, dreaded and much loathed logic caused silence to fall over the group for a minute or two._

_Then Kappa hesitantly spoke. "We could do it at my house in the pond."_

_"Yeah. And we could use magic to bring 'em there!" called out Staid, his loud voice waking Nappy._

_"What are we doing?" the still half-asleep sprite asked._

_"Good point," Chef said to Nappy, who was quite confused about all of this having slept thru half the meeting. "Anyone have any suggestions?"_

_"Um...We could try giving them immense trauma...That is...If anyone else things it's a good idea," Timid suggested sheepishly._

_"That might not be such a good idea," Hoggy said before stuffing another muffin in his mouth._

_"Humiliating them would be better," Staid added quickly._

_"Sounds like fun! What would we do?" Bold asked, an impish grin on his face._

_They paused again, much longer this time as it was not easy to come up with a way to greatly humiliate all the citizens of Mineral Town._

_"We could reveal all their secrets to the public," Kappa suggested._

_The sprites all agreed that it was a good idea but the logic that Chef had brought up before was still there and it pointed out all of the many ways that the plan would not work._

_"We could broadcast it on TV, or post it on the internet," Chef suggested to logic, but logic declared that only the farmer had a television and Mineral Town was too outdated to have internet service._

_Then Timid stabbed logic in a very violent manner. Silence overtook them all again as they watched logic writhe about on the sprites' table before vanishing from this parody where it never should have been in the first place. The silence, however, remained as they continued to stare at the spot where logic once was. It was Timid who spoke first, twiddling their fingers around the knife, "Um...Was I not supposed to do that? Because...Well...You see...I'm not sorry in the slightest."_

_"I don't mind," Bold said proudly and the others chorused in their agreement._

_With logic gone, their planning went by a lot faster and by the end of the week, they knew exactly what they were going to do. The following month was spent in preparation. The sprites went looking for any secrets hidden by the residents of Mineral Town, while Kappa set to redecorating his house to provide a sufficient interrogation room._

_During the Fireworks Festival, they shared their successes with one another and felt deep satisfaction in the fact that it would not be long before they finally got their long awaited revenge._

_Well...Technically they hadn't been waiting that long for that moment to arrive...But they had been waiting for a way to show their harassers what they were made of. Other then pixels that is...._

_And first on their list of victims was Jack. His name being the second that they drew out of Chef's cookie jar. The first one had been the number for the pizza place and they most certainly did not want to do anything to hurt the pizza place._

_But Jack couldn't cook good pizza and therefore was much less important. Besides, he overworked the sprites the most and he had hit Kappa directly on the head when he had thrown a cucumber in the lake._

_Yesh, Jack was in for a world of pain...._

_This story is purely for comedic effect only. _

_Sorry for offending anyone's favorite charecters and I hope that this is remotely funny. _

_Please review. Any and all flames shall be used to help Timid make a new knife._


	2. The First Victim

A Brief Note: If this story seems somewhat familiar....That's because it's simply a rewritten version of the previous Know Your Stars: Mineral Townthat I had uploaded before. However, that was removed due to "interactive, chat/script, real person, mst, and etc". Anyways, I knew that a lot of people liked it and so I decided to rewrite it so it would fit the rules and be more humorous.

Oh, I still don't own Harvest Moon, Know Your Stars, or sanity.

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THE FIRST VICTIM: JACK THE FARMER

_All was quiet in the dark room lit only by a single overhead light-bulb._

_Until someone tripped._

_There was a clunk noise followed by yelling intermingled with chewing. "What the heck, Kappa? That did you do with the lighting in this place? I don't think the light-bulb is even working!"_

_"I thought it would make the place look eerier," Kappa replied bashfully._

_"Well, now one can't even see how the place looks like at all!"_

_Another voice joined in the fray, "Calm down, Hoggy. It's a good thing. Now they won't know who is doing what."_

_Silence fell over the dark room again before Hoggy replied, "I dropped half of my sandwich...."_

_The other voice sighed and reluctantly agreed to help Hoggy look for it._

_Another voice that was obviously Timid's chimed in, "Um...Guys...We're going start recording in...well...about five minutes. And...If you aren't ready by then...It'll still go on and...It'll be hysterical to see...Or um...Not see...You guys making utter fools of yourselves."_

_At this sudden notice, the two sprites hurriedly began searching for Hoggy's sandwich while Timid just stood there and laughed._

_"I found it!" called out Hoggy as the other sprite's hand was stepped on by Chef who was caring in the rest of the electrical equipment to set up. This resulted in a high-pitched squeal._

_"Sorry about that Staid...."Chef apologized._

_"I'd believe you if you got off my hand first," whimpered Staid._

_"Oh!" Chef cried out as he quickly jumped off Staid's hand._

_Fortunately, the rest of the setup progressed without much event and within twenty minutes, Aqua was behind the camera._

_"Everybody ready? Then, action," he called out._

_Chef turned and smiled at the camera, "Hello and welcome to....Um...." He turned to look at where Kappa supposedly was, "Does this show even have a name?"_

_For a moment, all that was heard was discussion before a resounding 'no' replied._

_Chief sighed before turning back to the camera. "Well, Welcome to our program. Please note that the author of this story does not own Harvest Moon, Know Your Stars, or her brain. Now, without further ado, let the show begin!"_

_- - - - - -_

_Jack wiped the sweat off his brow before returning to hoeing his land. Suddenly, against all the laws of physics and everything logical, the titled land revealed not a berry, money, or a mole, but a portal thingy that transported Jack to the dark room where he landed with a plop. The farmer adjusted his cap before glancing about. However, he couldn't see anything, thus further frightening him._

_"What's going on?" he asked with trepidation in his voice._

_"Jack is a womanizer," came the reply._

_Jack looked about frantically but he couldn't see the source of the voice. At last, the frustrated and frightened Jack cried out, "No I'm not! What are you doing? Who are you? And where are we anyways?"_

_"I'm merely explaining all of your deepest and darkest secrets to your fans, and yes, you are indeed a womanizer. I mean...How many girls are you dating anyways?"_

_Jack counted on his fingers. "S...Wait right this second! You never answered the other qu..."_

_"Jack thinks the Mayor is hot," interrupted the unseen voice._

_Jack glared at the darkness and screamed at the top of his lungs, "Are you NUTS?!?"_

_A brief pause and then, "So you actually can yell."_

_"What made you think that I couldn't?" muttered Jack._

_"Well...You rarely ever talk and when you do, you never raise your voice."_

_Jack mearly harrumphed at that news and tried to ignore anything else the unseen voice said._

_"Jack likes to run around the farm in a pink frilly dress"_

_That plan didn't work out so well..._

_"WHAT?" Jack cried out again._

_"The sprites told me," the voice explained._

_A sweatdrop appeared on Jack's head as it sometimes does in anime. _

_"They also told me that you like to torture your farm animals," the voice added, unfazed. _

_Despite having been the only noticeable person in the room before, Jack was assaulted by Porpori, Rick, and Barely. _

_The camera shifted away from the violence although you could still hear Jack's screams in the background._

_Chief smiled meekly at the camera. "Shoot...Well...Now you know more about Jack, who is a womanizer despite his secret (or not so secret) yearnings for the mayor. When not being an over romantic, Jack enjoys dressing up in pink frilly dresses and torturing his farm animals."_

_Aqua looked at where the now mangled body of Jack lay. "I hope that doesn't leave a stain," he whispered to Chief._

**_

* * *

_**

_Next time will be Rick._

_Rate and Review_

_This story is purely for comedic effect only. _

_Sorry for offending anyone's favorite characters and I hope that this is remotely funny. _

_Please review. Any and all flames shall be used to help Timid make a new knife._


	3. The Second Victim

Another Brief Note: Don't always expect updates to be so frequent. The reasons that this is being updated so quickly are:

A: As I have already stated, it is a rewritten version of Know Your Stars: Mineral Town that I had uploaded before. While a few new things are added here and there, the story is pretty much just the fleshing out of an outline. Once the outline runs out.....Then more time will have to be taken to write each chapter.

B: This is my Script Frenzy....I know it makes no sence....But....I am still trying to reach a 100 pages under the same format settings...I'm just transforming a "script" into a story. Back to the point, because of Frenzy, this story has taken the front seat out of all my other projects. Once April is over, I can't garentee the importance of this fanfic. I won't stop writting this so please put down the flamming pitchforks. I'm mearly saying that this won't be updated nearly this frequent later on because of my other works.

On a completely different note, I still do not own Harvest Moon, Script Frenzy (or her sister project: NaNoWriMo), Know Your Stars, or sanity.

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_THE SECOND VICTIM: RICK_

_It had been a week since Jack had gone missing. At first, no one in Mineral Town took it seriously. The male farmer got lost all the time. But after a while, people started to become concerned...Or ecstatic._

_Little did anyone know about Jack's true location._

_For the past week, Jack had been in bed recovering from the injuries sustained on him by the events that had occurred in the dark room._

_Today however, he had the horrid misfortune of being back in the room._

_"For appearance's sake," Aqua had explained to the others, "It gives a unified feel to the show. The previous guest's appearance connects both the previous episode and the next one."_

_"What's wrong, Jack?" Chef asked the desolate farmer as he brought in the equipment from last time._

_"YOU'RE what the matter is," Jack grumbled._

_"What do you mean by that? I'm feeling quite fine thank you. You are the one who seems to be in the most pain at the moment...." Chief stated plainly before reaching a much more logical conclusion. "Oh...You mean last time...Sorry about that. We didn't mean for you to be pummeled to a pulp. That part at least was accidental."_

_"I hate you," Jack muttered with immense bitterness._

_"That's nice," Aqua said, coming up from behind Chief. "Now, do the disclaimer statement and we'll let you leave."_

_"Thankfully the author of this story doesn't own any of Harvest Moon's legal rights. She also doesn't own Know Your Stars or any amount of sanity. I don't think she even owns a plot," Jack told the camera with a glare._

_It switched over to a smiling Aqua. "Let's get the show started!"_

_- - - - - - - - - - _

_Rick was yelling at Kai as usual. Well...This was not exactly as usual in two ways. First, he wasn't yelling at Kai, he was yelling at a picture of Kai. Rick had found it in his sister's bedroom a while back and took it hostage so he could relieve his loathing for Kai whenever Kai was not there to take it._

_Secondly, never before had a pit/vortex/portal thingy appeared beneath Rick and taken him to a dark room...Or ANYWHERE for that matter._

_Rick glanced about the room and although he would never admit it, the chicken boy was petrified. "Anybody?" he called out, trying his hardest to keep his fright out of his tone._

_"Rick has anger management issues."_

_Not too surprisingly, Rick was not too thrilled with the mysterious voice. He had fallen in a strange room in the middle of his daily Kai bashing and instead of answers he was being humiliated by insane accusations._

_"I do NOT have anger management issues!" Rick said obstinately._

_"Hmm...You're right. Rick is just a bad drunk."_

_It took Rick a moment to steady himself before he cried out, "WHAT?!"_

_"Apparently, he also has bad hearing. I said that you are a bad drunk."_

_"I am not a bad drunk or, for that matter, any type of drunk at all!" Rick proclaimed exasperatedly._

_"See? You are getting angry again," the voice said amid laughter._

_Rick had no idea what the voice found so hysterical until it added, "Rick looks funny when he is mad."_

_"I don't!" Rick yelled back._

_The voice burst into laughter again._

_Rick sighed, defeated. There was no reasoning with this voice. "Well...At least it won't say anything anymore...Now I can leave..." _

_He got down on his knees and began to feel his way about. _

_"No, you can't."_

_"Why not?" Rick demanded of the voice...Although this one sounded different...Slightly higher in pitch._

_"There is no door," the voice replied. Although that was not the truth. There was indeed a door. But since this was Kappa's house in the lake, to leave would be a very hazardous idea._

_"Drat," Rick muttered under his breath._

_"Rick likes to talk," said the deeper voice who had apparently recovered from laughing._

_"One would think that you are the one who enjoys talking, considering that you haven't shut up yet."_

_"I don't like talking...Just torturing you," the voice replied jovially._

_Too jovially for Rick. _

_"I can see that," he replied. Rick was long past his last nerve considering that he was always on his last nerve to begin with. "Actually...I can't see much of anything," he amended._

_Chief motioned with his hands that they were running out of film, having not bought any the day before._

_The voice sighed, "I could do this for a lot longer....But we're out of time."_

_Rick nearly jumped up and down for joy. "Thank goodness!"_

_"Well, now you know more about Rick who looks funny when he is angry, which is frequent because he has anger management issues and is a bad drunk. He likes to talk a lot because he can't hear anyone else and therefore thinks he is the only one with something to say._

_"Wait a second here!" cried out Rick._

_"What? I'm just about to rap this up! Eager for more torture perchance? Don't worry. We can do some more later on if you'd like...."_

_"NO MORE! I think that I've had more then enough already!" Rick shouted._

_"Well...This is just my opinion but...You shouldn't have forgotten to get the film...He...Hasn't...Um...Had enough yet," Timid told the camera._

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

_Next time will be Doctor._

_Rate and Review_

_This story is purely for comedic effect only. _

_Sorry for offending anyone's favorite characters and I hope that this is remotely funny. _

_Please review. Any and all flames shall be used to set Rick on fire._

_Rick: Waaaaa!!!!!!!!!_


	4. The Third Victim

READ ME! I am a random breif note! Because I'm so small no one loves me...So READ ME!: Much thanks to all of the reviewers. Reviews are much loved and as any writer can tell you, a good review is a large self-esteem booster. Reviews are replied to except for anonymous reviews. I can't exactly reply to them but know that I am truly appreciative. Much thanks to my three reviewers so far.

And as a reminder, don't always expect updates to be so frequent.

On a completely different note, I still do not own Harvest Moon, Script Frenzy (or her sister project: NaNoWriMo), Know Your Stars, or sanity.

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**_The Third Victim: Doctor_**

Jack hobbled around the farm on crutches. It would take forever for him to get basic chores done. But the sprites had mysteriously disappeared, he still wasn't fully healed, and laying around was not an option.

Thinking of ways to rope someone into helping him, Jack was interrupted by a loud hello from his pink-haired next-door neighbor, Popuri.

Before he could reply or con her into helping him with the animals, Popuri started talking again, "Do you know what happened to Rick? He's been missing for a few days now and at first I wasn't too worried...But he is my only brother...And you went missing too so I thought that maybe there was a connection."

While Jack tried to think of a reply, Popuri snatched the watering can from his hands and stared watering the assortment of crops.

Jack kept his mouth shut while Popuri watered the plants, fed the animals, brushed them, and gathered the eggs, milk, and wool. When he felt as if enough of his workload had been lightened, he truthfully told Popuri that he had no idea what had happened to Rick.

"I'm really sorry, Popuri," Jack apologized upon seeing Popuri's forlorn face. "But truth be told, I don't even really know much about what was going on when I was taken. Someone was making fun of me...But I don't know who...Or why...Or where...Besides, who's to say that he even was there."

However, Rick was indeed still wandering around in the dark room lit only by a single overhead light bulb.

"Stupid voices. Why am I still in this horrible torture chamber?" he muttered under his breath in his vain attempts to find a way out of the room.

"You don't mean that," replied Chef who was carrying in the equipment again. Apparently, they couldn't just leave the stuff set up in there.

"Yes. Yes I do mean that," Rick said vehemently.

"We'll let you go if you do the disclaimer segment," Staid said.

"THAT'S why you kept me here? To do a disclaimer?" Rick cried out, obviously very upset over this recent information.

"Yeah," Hoggy said before eating another potato chip.

"I hate you....I hate all you voices...." Rick sniffled.

"If it's any consolation, we don't like you either, Rick. Now, DISCLAIMER!" said Chef with a smile.

"The author of this story does not own Harvest Moon or Know Your Stars or any cucumbers....She just enjoys torturing us. Can I go NOW?" Rick said bitterly.

"Yes, Rick. Now time for the show," Bold told the camera.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Doctor was out by the waterfall gathering his plant stuff. If he was the type of person who hummed on beautiful days, or at all, he would be humming now. He had even been lucky enough to collect some grass before someone else got it. Yes, everything was going well. Which of course means that something horrible was about to happen.

"Something probably happened to the only bed we have in the hospital so now we have no place to put patience except on the sopha," Doctor mussed in order to calm his worried nerves.

He turned to head back to the clinic in order to take care of the nonexistent sopha problem when he fell/was pushed into the afore mentioned waterfall and ended up in THE ROOM!

This did not unnerve Doctor though. He was much more concerned about how he fell into the waterfall and yet was completely dry.

"This makes no sence," he mused.

"Doctor's parents are workaholics. They are both doctors and they named their kid Doctor."

"In Harvest Moon: DS, it is shown that I actually have a real name. My real name is Trent," Doctor explained to the voice.

"Doctor had a name change," the voice immediately amended.

"I'm serious," Doctor retorted. No one could deny him there. He was always serious.

"Doctor has apparently also inherited his parent's workaholicism and seriousness."

Doctor decided to ignore the voice and just look for anything that might explain his current situation.

"Doctor really wanted to be a pharmacist."

"What?" Doctor asked, raising his voice slightly.

'It was really too easy to get their attention,' Kappa thought with an internal chuckle.

"You're always collection those plants and you are always looking for people to try out your new medicines."

"That's part of my job," Doctor replied, his brow slightly furrowed.

"Doctor's secret lifelong dream is to learn to do the Caramelldansen," continued the voice.

"Actually...That's Bold's life dream," Doctor stated, matter-of-factly.

Bold's eyes widened, "Okay...That was awkward...I'm not even going to ask how you know that..."

Doctor merely shrugged.

"Doctor likes to steal people's socks."

Doctor sighed. "Now you are just making crazy stuff up. You need some medication."

"No!" they all cried out at once.

Doctor titled his head in confusion and a little question mark appeared above his head. "Why not?"

"Because you like to poison people," was the immediate response.

Another sigh. "You're nuts," Doctor told them.

"Doctor doesn't like cookies."

"That...That's actually true...." Doctor replied in shock.

There was a gasp proceeded by a dull thud.

Doctor sighed for the third time and returned to looking for signs. Those voices were too nuts to be of any importance.

There was some small scuttling noises as someone else took over the microphone.

"Well, now you know more about Doctor who changed his name to Trent and inherited his parent's workaholicism and seriousness and job despite the fact that he really wants to be a pharmacist so he can poison people. He has an odd knowledge of his patient's life dreams. While Doctor enjoys stealing peoples' socks, he doesn't like cookies."

Doctor looked to where he thought the voice might be coming from and blatantly told it, "You need professional help."

"Um...Well...Don't we all need professional help?"

Raguna ran across the room screaming at the top of his lungs, "FEAR THE THERAPIST! FEAR HIM!!!"

"See?" called out the voice, as if this was evidence enough.

Doctor simply sighed again while a little sweat droplet appeared above his head.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

_Next time will be Grey._

_Rate and Review_

_This story is purely for comedic effect only. _

_Sorry for offending anyone's favorite characters and I hope that this is remotely funny. _

Raguna is the main charecter in Rune Factory. Points to you if you get the sopha joke.

__

Flames are used to make cookies for Hoggy.

Everyone: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

_Hoggy: Wait...That's a good thing......_


	5. The Fourth Victim

SPRITES: Okay, I've been trying my best to include all of the sprites (Chef, Bold, Nappy, Hoggy, Aqua, Staid, Timid) but unfortunately, sometimes they get skimped out on. So, if you notice a lack of your favorite sprite, do say so. Also, don't be afraid to be a critic. Flaming is saying that this is horrid without giving a reason. Pointing out a flaw is not a flame.

As for the next update, that chapter is going to take me a while seeing as it is probably the lamest chapter in all of this. Therefore, it will take me a while to get some actually good material in that.

On a completely different note, I still do not own Harvest Moon, Script Frenzy (or her sister project: NaNoWriMo), Know Your Stars, or sanity.

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**_The Fourth Victim: Grey_**

_Jack hobbled into the clinic on his crutches. Doctor was supposed to check him today but Jack saw no sign of him. He hobbled over to Elli, hoping that she might have some answers._

_"What happened to Doctor?" he asked Elli._

_The nurse burst into tears and a very flustered farmer tried to calm her down._

_Jack didn't know how much time had passed when he finally got Elli to stop bawling, considering that time didn't pass in houses._

_"I...Don't know...What happened to him...He went out...To the pond...But...He never came back....I tried calling...Up Doctor Hardy....And asked Harris to look but....No one has seen him....And...I'm really worried...." she told Jack between sobs._

_The only advice he could give her was "It might be what happened to Rick. He also went mysteriously missing for a while before returning home."_

_Eli sniffled a little, "I hope so."_

_It was indeed so. Doctor sat in the corner of the dark room lit by the single overhead lightbulb. He was using that light to read a book. Do not question the presence of the book or the fact that Doctor would even read one when the lighting is so terrible. _

_Staid grinned at the camera as Chef finished setting it up._

_"We should just leave it in here," said Nappy with a yawn. "It would make things a lot easier."_

_"It wouldn't be easier if the equipment became broken," Aqua stated as he walked across the room, carrying some papers. He turned to Staid, "You ready?"_

_Staid nodded, "Hey, Doctor!"_

_He looked up from his book, "What?"_

_"It's disclaimer time," Staid called out happily._

_Doctor turned to face the camera, "The author of this story has nothing to do with Natasume, Know Your Stars, or sanity."_

_"And don't you forget it!" Staid added._

_"You really need help," Doctor suggested again._

_"No I don't," Staid retorted with a pout._

_Doctor could only sigh at the sprite's actions._

_Staid smirked at this small insignificant victory._

_"TO THE SHOW!" cried out Bold as he ran in front of the camera._

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

_Grey was working on upgrading the farmer's watering can when a hole appeared above him and sucked him up into THE ROOM!_

_He looked down but all he saw was floor, he looked up but all he could see was lightbulb. While it was indeed only one lightbulb, it did momentarily blind Grey._

_"What's going on here?" he cried out, covering his eyes with his hands._

_"Grey goes to Mary's library to read books about plumbing," was the answer._

_Oh, how Grey wanted to glare at that preposterous lightbulb but he didn't want to hurt his eyes again so he simply calmly replied, "There aren't even any books in Mary's library about plumbing."_

_"That's because you took them all," told the lightbulb._

_"I think that I would remember something as monumentous as stealing all of the nonexistent plumbing books out of Mary's library," Grey said, his voice still calm, although internally he was screaming about how the lighbulb lied more then the Microsoft paperclip._

_"Then you must have amnesia," the lightbulb concluded._

_"And you must be out of your mind," Grey retorted coolly._

_Did light bulbs even have minds though? He shrugged that thought out of his head momentarily, what mattered was that he sounded cool._

_"Yes. I am. I think that Doctor is starting a petition to get me to go to the evil dreaded therapist."_

_Raguna ran thru the room again, screaming at the top of his lungs, "FEAR THE THERAPIST! FEAR HIM!!!"_

_"Whatever," Grey said nonchalantly, keeping up his cool facade._

_"Grey never takes off his hat."_

_"Actually...No one removes their headgear," Grey told the uncultured lightbulb._

_"Grey is a pyromaniac."_

_"What makes you think that?" Grey asked the lightbulb. Was it trying to irk him or something?_

_"_Well...You're always complaining about living in Mineral Town so there must be SOME reason why you are still living here. It's probably because you enjoy working with fire. If you REALLY hated living here, you'd run away."

"I happen to enjoy the people who live here but even if I did run away, Grandpa would find me and beat me up," Grey informed the lightbulb.

There was a short pause before the lightbulb added, "So...In other words...You are weaker then your grandfather?"

"He's been a blacksmith for a long time," Grey hastily amended.

"But he's still stronger then you," the lightbulb pointed out.

Grey had nothing to add to that.

"Well, now you know more about Grey, the weak pyromaniac who never takes off his hat. Grey really goes to Mary's library to read books about pluming which is impossible because there are no plumbing books there because he stole them all. However, Grey can't remember because he has amnesia...Or it's his split personality named Turquoise."

"Go...Jump...Off...A...Cliff...Or...Something. ANYTHING! Just...Go...Far...Away..."

"Nah. You see, I'm not really a huge bungee jumping fan."

"Who said anything about bungee jumping?" Grey said, the malice evident in his voice.

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_Next time will be Cliff._

_Rate and Review_

_This story is purely for comedic effect only. _

_Sorry for offending anyone's favorite characters and I hope that this is remotely funny. _

Raguna is the main charecter in Rune Factory. Points to you if you get the sopha joke.

Flames are used to make a campfire to roast marshmallows and sing creepy songs around!

Everyone: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!


	6. The Fifth Victim

FINALLY: Yesh....I know that this chapter took longer then the others to come out....But like I said before...The origonal version of it was lame....This still isn't all that great but I do feel like it has improved. And yesh...I know that I make the workaholic joke too much....But the poorly made joke here is a prelude to a much better joke made in the opening of the next chapter....So please don't hurt me.

Also, don't be afraid to be a critic. Flaming is saying that this is horrid without giving a reason. Pointing out a flaw is not a flame.

On a completely different note, I still do not own Harvest Moon, Script Frenzy (or her sister project: NaNoWriMo), Know Your Stars, or sanity.

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**_The Fifth Victim: Cliff _**

_Jack sat on top of his shipping box and waited for Grey to deliver his watering can. He had been waiting there all day and had nearly gotten picked up by Zach when he came by at five o'clock. It wasn't as if Jack had anything better to do besides wait for Grey. Mainly because he was still on crutches from the incident that had previously occurred. He was just about to give up hope on watering his crops today and just hobble over to bed when Mary arrived holding a strange object._

_She came over to him and held out the object, which he soon recognized as a misshapen watering can._

_"Saibara told me to give this to you," Mary said softly._

_Jack looked it over again, "But Grey hasn't finished it yet. Only the handle has been upgraded."_

_It was then that Mary's eyes began to water and Jack got a very bad feeling in his gut and a suspicion in his head that this wasn't going to turn out well for him._

_"Grey left," Mary whispered, drying her tears with her sleeves._

_Jack immediately went into comfort mode, being unable to stand up and dry Mary's tears himself. "I'm sure he'll be back. He probably just had another little spat with Saibara and once he calms down, he'll be back to finish the watering can. You can't see Grey abandoning a project halfway through, right?"_

_Mary nodded and smiled shyly, "I guess you're right, Jack. I hope he calms down soon."_

_"Me too," said Jack. He needed that watering can upgraded._

_However, Grey was not calmed down...Or even remotely calm. In the dark room with the single overhead light bulb, Grey was making a voodoo doll. That lightbulb would pay._

_Chef walked by with the equipment and overheard some of Grey's mutters about how the dreaded evil lightbulb would soon be shattered, never to glow again._

_"I hope he doesn't carry out that threat," he told Staid. "It is the only lightbulb we have after all._

_"Um...If the lightbulb...Does go out...Well...I'll kill him...If you'd like...." Timid said softly, although they all knew that Timid would go ahead with it anyways even if they told him no._

_Upon having everything all set up, Nappy was poked awake in order to do the opening narration._

_He yawned, "Grey, would you be so kind as to come over here and give the disclaimer?"_

_Grey grunted his rejection of Nappy's idea._

_"You can leave if you do," Hoggy added before eating another cracker._

_At that, Grey jumped up and animatedly proclaimed, "The author of this doesn't own Harvest Moon, Know Your Stars, or my really cool hat!"_

_His job done, Nappy fell back asleep._

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_Cliff was sitting in the church muttering about something or other. Unbeknown to him, someone was sneaking up on him. Or maybe he did know but just didn't care or perhaps he didn't take Bold seriously._

_Bold decided to go with the first option. After all, he was working very hard on being sneaky and stealthy._

_He had at last reached the intended target and grabbing Cliff, did that sparkly thingy sprites did to do all sorts of cool stuff, one of which was kidnapping Cliff and taking him to THE ROOM! _

_Cliff just kinda slumped there in a state of shock._

_There was a brief silence before Bold was told "...I think we'll just stick to the vortex of doom from now on."_

_Bold sighed; he had been hoping to make himself useful besides just collecting information. "Sorry, budum," he muttered._

_"It's alright. You can go now, if you'd like."_

_Bold disappeared in a swirl of sparkles and the sound of wind chimes. Maybe he could convince Timid to let him have the vortex of doom....On second hand....He really didn't wanna ask him about that....He had already been to Doctor too frequently already as it was._

_"Cliff is actually a hobo."_

_At the mention of his name, Cliff recovered from his kidnapping. "Who was that? Who are you?"_

_"He's a sprite, I'm the host of this show, and you are a hobo."_

_Cliff was stunned back into silence._

_"He is a hobo because he spent all his money on antidepressants."_

_He flustered at this and retorted softly, "I don't even take antidepressants."_

_"Of course you don't now," the voice said exasperatedly. "You don't have any money."_

_"The inn isn't free," Cliff replied._

_"Really? Their water is free, and you can always eat the stuff that grows around Mineral Town. Why you don't just sleep in the pews is beyond us. If you don't want to sleep there, the outdoors is always an option."_

_"People normally give me strange looks when I sleep on the ground."_

_"Being a hobo, Cliff carries around a field guide of Mineral Town, which is kinda pointless, seeing as he spends the majority of time in the church."_

_"I do not carry it around. It's in my bag," Cliff corrected._

_"Cliff has a pet bird."_

_"Where did that come from?" asked Cliff. _

_"Well...In some pictures of you, you have this bird. A hawk to be precise."_

_Cliff did not reply, neither having seen these pictures nor having ever had a hawk._

_"Apparently, Cliff has a split personality like Grey."_

_"Cliff is also a workaholic."_

_"...I just like to work a lot," replied Cliff._

_"That kind of makes you a workaholic."_

_At this the voice decided to pull out something completely outrageous and not anything else so obvious._

_"When not working or mopping about the church, Cliff likes to do the chicken dance."_

_"But....But...I CAN'T dance."_

_"Not even the chicken dance?" the voice questioned._

_Cliff hesitantly shook his head no._

_"Well, now you know more about Cliff. He used to take antidepressants before he ran out of money and became a hobo. Although he has a field guide in his bag, he knows nothing about thriftiness. While he does not have a bird, his split personality in Harvest Moon: 64 does have a hawk. Cliff is a workaholic but in his spare time he likes to do the chicken dance...Even though he doesn't know how."_

_Cliff looked about the dark room in shock and fear. How could the voice speak so bluntly? Why was it so terrifying when it wasn't even that scary sounding or anything like that?_

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_Next time will be Kai._

_Rate and Review_

_This story is purely for comedic effect only. _

_Sorry for offending anyone's favorite characters and I hope that this is remotely funny. _

_Harvest Moon:64 does have a character called Cliff, that looks like Mineral Town's Cliff, in it._

_Flames are used to make dramatic effects._

_Everyone: What the heck?_


	7. The Sixth Victim

FINISHED WITH THE MAIN BACHELORS: Don't worry...This chapter is one of the better ones. See? I told you I could turn workaholicism into something slightly more humerous!

Back to the point, this is the last chapter that you guys will get in a quick update. Script Frenzy is over and I'm planning on returning to some of my own projects. No, this story is not going away. It just will be updated less frequently. While I do appriciate all of the support that you guys have given this story, I'm afraid that I do have many another thing that I want to work on.

Also, don't be afraid to be a critic. Flaming is saying that this is horrid without giving a reason. Pointing out a flaw is not a flame.

On a completely different note, I still do not own Harvest Moon, Script Frenzy (or her sister project: NaNoWriMo), Know Your Stars, or sanity.

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_**The Sixth Victim: Kai**_

_Jack was hobbling over to the inn for some free water when he bumped into Carter. This was strange on so many different levels of strange. Something had to be going on and sure enough, he got his explanation._

_"Have you seen Cliff?" Carter asked._

_When Jack didn't reply, the other elaborated, "He didn't come to dinner last night or the night before. I asked Duke and Manna if they had seen him but they just thought that he was taking a well-deserved break. But that's the catch. Cliff doesn't take breaks. He'd probably go into a breakdown if he even tried."_

_Jack nodded, "I haven't seen him either though."_

_Carter sighed and the two of them walked thru the inn doors._

_Carter relayed his story to Ann and Doug while Jack enjoyed his free water._

_"We haven't seen him for a while," Doug replied. Apparently, the boy had completely vanished._

_Although, if Jack hadn't gotten so drunk off the free water, he could have explained his theory which was correct._

_Cliff was indeed in the dark room with the overhead lightbulb. Or...At least...That's where he was supposed to be. _

_The sprites couldn't find him. They had succeeded in loosing their charge in a place that he could never escape from without help. The equipment was all set up and all that was needed was for the hobo to do the disclaimer._

_Hoggy was the one who found him after teleporting on top of Cliff's head coming back from the refrigerator. Unfortunately, they had to wait some more for Cliff to regain consciousness._

_Chef smiled at the camera, "Hello everyone and welcome to our program which we still have yet to name. Now it's time for Cliff with the disclaimer...If he's up yet...."_

_Cliff peaked out from the random corner where he had been hiding. Apparently, this room has corners, which one can hide in._

_"Um...Could you...Please do the disclaimer...Before I...Well...Shoot you...If you would be so kind?" asked Timid._

_Cliff couldn't refuse Timid's amazing persuasion, "The author of this story does not own Harvest Moon, Know Your Stars, or Microsoft Word."_

_"CHAPTER TIME!!!" cried out Bold as he ran into a wall._

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_Kai was in the beach house playing DDR when the vortex of doom brought him to Greenland._

_Greenland being an arctic climate and Kai being one who detested the cold, it was not a pleasant minute for Kai. He could not even react to the sudden change in both scenery and climate. Fortunately, someone realized the error and the portal brought him to THE ROOM before Kai froze_

_Kai was finally able to make all of those reactions that had been bottled up inside of him. After this vast display of facial expressions, Kai asked, "Where am I? What just happened?"_

_As usual, the response had nothing to do with the question, "Kai has purple bandana hair."_

_"Nonsense!" cried out Kai, feeling undignified._

_A brief pause, then, "Kai is bald."_

_Kai slapped himself in the face having nothing else visible to slap. "Just because I don't have purple bandana hair doesn't mean that I'm bald!" he explained in exasperation._

_"Well...You never take it off. So you must have SOMETHING that you are trying to hide."_

_"Or maybe I just like wearing the bandana?" Kai suggested._

_The voice decided to change topics, "The reason why you hardly ever see anyone in Kai's shop is because his cooking stinks."_

_"Are you on some kind of drugs or something?" questioned Kai._

_"Well then, explain why one always sees people go to eat at the Inn, but not at your place?"_

_"Popuri thinks that my food is good," retorted Kai with a pout._

_"Yah...But that's because she loves you. Besides, that doesn't answer my question."_

_Kai harrumphed, "You jest. Other people eat at my place and they said that the food was good."_

_"But I only saw them there once. They never came back."_

_Kai glared at the darkness._

_"Despite being considered a ladies man, Kai is one of the less popular guys in the game."_

_"Nonsense, the ladies love me," Kai snapped, trying once more to pound logic into the voice._

_"Not really...There is probably more Kai*Rick out there then there is Kai*Claire."_

_"You're kidding...Right?" Kai questioned, a tint of worry in his voice._

_"There is only one problem interfering with your relationship."_

_"Could it be the fact that there IS no relationship?" Kai shouted._

_"Rick won't marry Kai because Kai loves to eat chicken," declared the voice._

_"But my favorite food is pineapple!" Kai shouted back._

_"What about pineapple chicken?"_

_"Well...That is one of my favorite pineapple dishes...." he mused._

_Suddenly, Rick jumped out from....Well....I have no clue....I didn't even know that there were places to jump out from in here....Then again....The existence of corners in here was unknown until today so I suppose that it is plausible that there is something for Rick to jump out from._

_"AHA! I knew it!" cried out Rick in triumph._

_"Didn't you lave already?" asked a different voice, higher pitched then the regular one._

_"Well, it's not exactly like I WANT to be here. But when I was going over to yell and complain at Kai...I was brought to this torture chamber...AGAIN! So I thought I might as well watch you torture Kai," Rick said in a huff._

_He turned to face Kai and a fight seemed bound to happen when suddenly, Kai came up with an idea._

_"Wait a moment," he said._

_"What? You chicken?" Rick taunted._

_"No...You actually LIKE chickens. You probably wanna marry one," Kai retorted but before Rick could make any form of comeback, he added, "We both hate that voice right?"_

_Rick nodded, "Of course I do."_

_"Then why don't we go find it and beat IT up?" Kai said._

_"Good idea!"_

_And then somewhere something of some sort occurred because Rick and Kai had actually agreed on something so easily._

_Rick and Kai began to run around the room unknowing or uncaring of the havoc which they may or may not have inadvertently caused. Raguna joined them in running continuing his shouts of the evils of the therapist._

_Although neither Rick nor Kai nor Raguna were going to find the voice, the voice decided that this would be a good time to back away from the microphone and just laugh at the futility of humans._

_Keeping out of the way of the three boys, the sprites decided to wrap up the show themselves._

_"Well, now you know more about Kai, the bald bandanna wearer," started Chef._

_He switched places with Bold who proudly announced, "He went bald because he was always trying to cover up his purple bandana hair."_

_The camera switched over to Nappy since there was no way that Nappy was going to move himself. "People hardly ever...Yawn...Go to Kai's...Yawn...Hut because his cooking...Yawn...Is horrible."_

_Hoggy walked in with a plate of pineapple cubes and added, "Kai likes to eat pineapple chicken. This is the real cause behind Kai and Rink's fights."_

_The boys continued to run about the room._

_Aqua smiled at the camera, "The author apologizes for offending anyone's favorite characters and hopes that this is remotely funny."_

_Staid popped up behind Aqua, "Next time, we'll start the girls. Also, in case you forgot Raguna is from Rune Factory."_

_The camera switched to Timid who immediately began tracing circles on the floor with their shoe as soon as it fell upon him. "Um...Could you please review...Before...Well...Before I have to shoot you? And...All flames? Well...They are...um...used to help...Um...Make weaponry..."_

_The sprites all waved at the camera before turning it off._


	8. The Seventh Victim

WELL THIS TOOK A WHILE: Yes, in case you haven't heard or was wondering why this story "stopped", it was because I was working on some other projects. I have two WIPs(one half-way finished but fell into limbo and the other.....Nowhere close) and I also decided to take up the 100 themes challenge so....Yeah....I'm kinda crazy like that. Even without my insanity, the next chapter would still take a long time to finish as it needs a total revamp. If you want to see what I mean, I'll give you the link to the original which was posted on deviant-art.

Also, don't be afraid to be a critic. Flaming is saying that this is horrid without giving a reason. Pointing out a flaw is not a flame.

On a completely different note, I still do not own Harvest Moon, Script Frenzy (or her sister project: NaNoWriMo), Know Your Stars, or sanity.

------------------------

**_The Seventh Victim: Claire_**

_The beach was quiet...TOO quiet. It was summer and Zack was sure that he would be greeted with more of Rick and Kai's endless bantering when he left the house to pick up Jack's shippings...But all that greeted him was silence._

_Jack's place was also unusually quiet and upon finding nothing in the shipping bin, Zack decided that this would be a good time to check the farmer. He opened the door to discover the farmer laying in bed texting somebody._

_"What happened, Jack? I though you were supposed to be up and about by now," questioned Zack._

_Jack was actually happy to see Zack, since the poor farmer was once again refrained from any sort of work. "I have no clue what happened," Jack bemoaned. "I was finally out of my casts and enjoying myself when a boat fell out of the sky and crushed me."_

_Zack just stared at the poor farmer. Boats didn't come falling out of the sky all of a sudden. Besides, to have the falling boat hit Jack, the just recently healed farmer...That was like something out of a horrible story written by a sugar high nutcase._

_Jack decided to view this staring as a form of sympathy and nodded in agreement. "Thus why I called up an old friend of mine. She used to visit my grandfather with me back when we were kids. She'll probably arrive here tomorrow."_

_Jack was both wrong and right, his friend would arrive at Mineral Town the next day but not at his farm._

_For a better explanation, one must go to the dark room lit by the overhead light-bulb the following morning._

_Kai lay on the floor, exhausted from chasing around the room the previous episode, meaning of course, that he was soon to be trodden on._

_Surprisingly, or perhaps mealy spitefully, Chef did not step on Kai on his way to set up the equipment nor did Staid who followed right behind Chef with a sheet of paper._

_"What's the paper for?" asked Hoggy as he ran over to them, ALSO not stepping on Kai._

_"Official positions," Staid replied._

_Hoggy was obviously not impressed, "Why? We already have a system going on here. What's the point of having a paper?"_

_"To make it official," answered Staid without missing a beat._

_Hoggy decided that it would be best to leave it at that and not argue with the other sprite._

_At this point, Chef had finished setting up the equipment _

_Bold ran over to the camera; he too missed Kai. "Welcome to yet another episode of our unnamed program...Maybe we should just call it "Unnamed Program". We'll start soon but first a word from Kai."_

_"Don't listen to them! They're nuts, I tell you! NUTS!!!!" Kai cried out with too many exclamation marks._

_"Uh....The disclaimer segment?" prodded Bold._

_"DON'T LET THE AUTHOR GET A HAND ON NATASUME!!!!!!!" Kai amended, leaping off the floor._

_"Thanks," Bold said, satisfied with the result but Kai wasn't finished yet._

_"OR ME!!!!!!" Kai screamed as he ran away crying._

_"That's the spirit, Kai!" smiled Bold. That had to be the best disclaimer segment they had all seven episodes._

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_Claire stepped off the boat, not onto the familiar pier but to...THE ROOM!!!_

_THE ROOM!!! was cooler then the summer air outside and a lot darker (light bulbs did not provide the same amount of light as the sun)._

_Claire had a sneaky suspicion of where she was and immediately cried out, "I swear that I didn't kill him, officer! I swear!"_

_Silence followed as everyone there stared at the female farmer._

_When they recovered, the voice stated in a slightly flabbergasted voice, "Claire came to the farm because she was fired from her job."_

_"That didn't happen either!" Claire defended._

_As if anyone actually believed that statement, but instead of arguing, the voice continued. "Claire was fired because she sniffed butter behind the water dispenser."_

_"I wasn't fired; I QUIT. And I don't sniff butter anywhere!" Claire yelled._

_"Claire has a violent distemperment," the voice retorted as usual._

_"Are you psychotic?" Claire retorted and no one was sure whether it was pitiful or hysterical that all of their victims reacted to jokes about their tempers by giving an enraged retort._

_"Well...The question of one's sanity depends on who you ask but as for you, you beat up the mayor (not that we chastise this activity in the slightest), and you throw your chickens down. And sometimes...When you use your tools, your face gets all blue which either means that you're unable to breathe or really angry about something."_

_Claire decided to be quiet for once. She figured that they would force her to choose either one of the answers and while she refused to admit to her anger management issues, she most certainly didn't want these creeps to come out and attempt the Heimlich on her._

_"Claire is on some form of steroids."_

_She just couldn't take being quiet...And it had only been maybe about twenty-four seconds. _

_"Okay...Where is the door?" she demanded._

_"Think about it," continued the voice, no one so far had actually taken their door threats seriously, "I mean...How the heck can you run about all day long?"_

_"I exercise. You should try it sometime," Claire retorted in a huff._

_"Claire is planning Jack's wedding to the mayor."_

_"WHAT?" cried out both Claire and Jack._

_Perhaps the only thing more shocking then the statement was Jack's sudden appearance, which can simply be explained by the fact that it was yet another chance to abuse Jack and that it was humorous and seeing that this is a comedic parody, it fits in just fine._

_Instead of questioning the presence of the other, Jack asked, "You are getting me married to the mayor?"_

_And instead of asking why Jack was in a cast, Claire questioned, "You like the mayor?"_

_These ponderings soon escalated into a huge argument about the mayor._

_Feeling quite pleased with the results, the voice decided it was time to wrap up, "Well, now you know more about Claire. She came to the farm because she was fired from her previous occupation from sniffing steroid butter behind the water dispenser and murdering anyone who tried to stop her. She has a violent __distemperament and plans to get Jack married to the mayor."_

_The sounds of Claire and Jack's fight filled the background as the sprites moved to turn of the equipment._

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Lone Kunoichi: Sorry for offending anyone's favorite characters. I hope that this is remotely funny. Next time will be Karen...That one will take a long time, as it is one of the ones that needs to be completely revamped. Also, I do not hate Jack. He was just the easiest character to cause harm to...Poor Jack....

Rate and Review

Flames are used to make a "school's over bonfire". Oh, how I loathed that project!

Everyone: Scary author....


	9. The Eighth Victim

WELL THIS TOOK A WHILE: Yes, in case you haven't heard or was wondering why this story "stopped", it was because I was working on some other projects. I have two WIPs(one half-way finished but fell into limbo and the other.....Nowhere close) and I also decided to take up the 100 themes challenge so....Yeah....I'm kinda crazy like that. And I uploaded a piece of junk that was completely unrelated to this....So I won't be suprised if you guys all want to hit me over the head. However, as crazy as it seems, it is hard for me to poke fun at Karen. Even after revamping the old piece, I still feel like it could be way better. If you want to see what I mean, I'll give you the link to the original which was posted on deviant-art.

I'd also like to give a huge thanks to everyone who supported this or the origional copy. Who'd have thought that I could have made it all the way to the bachelorettes? I know that I didn't and I'm the writer. Thanks once again to all of my wonderful reviewers. You guys are the only reason that I've gotten so far. Each of your laughs have motivated me. Along with all of the virtual gifts. Thanks to Trying To Breakaway for the cookies. Everyone has been so nice. I must be doing a good job. And now, a brief word from someone who isn't sponsoring this.

Also, don't be afraid to be a critic. Flaming is saying that this is horrid without giving a reason. Pointing out a flaw is not a flame.

On a completely different note, I still do not own Harvest Moon, Script Frenzy (or her sister project: NaNoWriMo), Know Your Stars, or sanity.

------------------------

**_The Eighth Victim: Karen_**

_Jack swore that he was born under a dark star or something like that because he had the worst luck out of anyone he knew. First, he is beaten up; then, when he recovers, a boat falls on him. Since the sprites that usually helped him with work were out, he calls up an old friend. He hobbles down to the dock to greet her but winds up back in that torture chamber again with his friend only to find out that that she is hooking him up with the mayor. Of all the people in Mineral Town, she had to pick the mayor._

_Oh how he wanted to beat her up for even thinking that...But he needed her help. Besides, even if he were in perfect condition, she would still win._

_However, it didn't matter either way since Claire was still stuck in that room. Using the light from the two overhead light bulbs, she sketched out wedding plans. As Chef set up the equipment, Hoggy and Bold tried to sneak a glance. Regretfully, Hoggy was knocked out when he accidentally got some crumbs on the sketchbook. Bold was not eating anything and therefore was able to get see the starts of a wedding for Jack and the Mayor. This news was of course retold to Chef who tried to stifle his laughter in order to properly do the disclaimer segment._

_"Welcome to the eighth episode of "Unnamed Program". We're actually a little surprised we made it all the way to the bachelorettes without an angry mob coming after us. And now, a brief word from someone who isn't sponsoring this," he said, giggles sneaking their way in at various intervals._

_Claire looked up from her work and explained in a monotone voice, "The author does not own Natasume, Know Your Stars, Microsoft, or the Microsoft Word paperclip. That's all."_

_"TO THE EPISODE!" cried Bold before he gallantly ran into a wall._

_"Ouch," Claire said for him as it is hard to convey your pain when the world around you fades to black...Or maybe that was the fade out._

_The late night hours at the bar were really getting to Doug. His daughter was right; he needed more sleep. He could have sworn that Karen had been sitting right next to Duke, could have sworn that she asked him for her usual drink. But there she wasn't. He set the drink down, where it was immediately taken by Duke, and began looking for Karen. The girl was nowhere to be found. So much gold, all down the drain. Except, in this case, it was down a portal and into THE ROOM!!!_

_Karen, needless to say, was most certainly not thrilled with the circumstances. The foolish being that interrupted her nightly drinking would suffer greatly._

_Upon seeing the furry of an alcoholic scorned, Kappa and the sprites began to wonder if this was a good idea._

_"Um...Maybe we...well...um...just kill her...I mean...It's not like anyone would miss her," Bold said; for someone who spent a lot of time speaking in an outdoor voice, he sure could do a good Timid impression._

_Kappa sighed and shook his head. "That would cheer everyone up...We decided to do this in order to humiliate them." _

_"Well...It...um...would be humiliating...to watch....er...Rick...try to find another girlfriend," replied the real Timid._

_Before any of the others could agree or disagree with Timid's statement, Karen yelled, "Is this what Rick was moping about at the bar? Never knew that wimp was afraid of the dark."_

_Chef glanced down at where the fuming girl stood, "Our reputation is at stake. We must do this. That...And the tape has been recording for a while now so we better do something or else we're going to look like cowards."_

_The others nodded and headed towards their places._

_Meanwhile, Karen decided to search for an exit but all she found was the corner that Cliff had been hiding in a couple of episodes back. It was quite comfortable, but had an alcohol content of zero and provided no means of escape so Karen moved on. She had barely taken a few steps away from the afore mentioned corner when a voice proclaimed, "Speaking of Rick, Karen treats him to wine so she can steal all his money."_

_She glared at the ceiling, "Lies. I only treat him cause he has no money to treat me."_

_"Mainly because you take all of his money," the voice retorted. _

_"He doesn't have any money to take to begin with!" Karen raged._

_"And you do?" the voice questioned._

_"Yeah. From working at the store," Karen replied as if this was the most obvious thing in the world._

_"Not so much working as pretending to be Jeff's daughter in order to get everything at half price," the voice said with an invisible nod._

_"Why would ANYONE in their sober or even drunk mind pretend to be related to THAT looser?" Karen yelled, surprisingly without breaking anything._

_"In order to buy items at half price," the voice reiterated._

_"You're sooo clever," Karen said sarcastically._

_"Clever enough to know that the only awards you have ever won include 'Worst Cooking', 'Most Annoying Female In Mineral Town', and 'Best Drinker'."_

_"Well, at least I have more then you! You probably only have 'Largest Death Wish'!" Karen retaliated._

_"Well, you've already murdered Mary's younger brother Mathew because she refused to be your mind slave," the voice said sadly._

_"I'm not a murder...But I might become one if you keep talking!" Karen shouted, and this time she had a fierce glare to back it up._

_Aqua decided that it would be a great time to wrap it up, "Well now you know more about Karen. She only pretends to be Jeff's daughter so she can get items at half-price, using the money that she stole from Rick. She is the most annoying female in Mineral Town; and she can't cook but she can drink. She can murder you with a glare and killed Mathew because Mary wouldn't be her mind slave."_

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Lone Kunoichi: Sorry for offending anyone's favorite characters. I hope that this is remotely funny. Next time will be Elli...Hopefully, that one won't take as long. Also, I apologize for uploading non-Harvest Moon stuff. I have also gotten into Hetalia recently and am attempting to write a few fanfics involving that. No worries, I shall soon realize that I'm much better at writing Harvest Moon fanfics and return to this.

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	10. The Ninth Victim

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: Well, with this chapter I should be able to reach thirty reviews which has got to be more then the total number of reviews on any of my other stories and not a single one of these reviews are flames. I feel ever so loved! Anyways, the bad news is that once I'm done with the bachelorettes, I'm going to put this story on hiatus. If I'm feeling up to it, I might do the optional bachelors (sans Kappa) but first I have two more chapters that I have no backdrop for what so ever. So then I feel really guilty for getting mad at other writers when they don't update their work....Still, I hope this chapter was worth the wait.

Also, don't be afraid to be a critic. Flaming is saying that this is horrid without giving a reason. Pointing out a flaw is not a flame.

On a completely different note, I still do not own Harvest Moon, Script Frenzy (or her sister project: NaNoWriMo), Know Your Stars, War Of The Worlds, or sanity.

With all that being said, happy tenth chapter everyone. I never could have gotten this far without all of you guys.

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**THE NINTH VICTIM**

Doug looked everywhere in that bar for Karen. He even looked in places that the girl couldn't possibly hide in, like that room that was almost always locked. But it was no use. She wasn't anywhere. Doug had heard stories from some of his other customers about mysterious disappearances and he didn't believe it at first. It sounded too much like something out of a sci-fi show. But now he had seen it with his own two eyes. Still, it was Karen. If anybody tried to abduct her, she would probably kill them. He doubted that even the strongest of aliens could stand against Karen's magical girl attacks and those who did would be killed by germs.

However, Karen hadn't been abducted by aliens. She had been abducted by one Kappa and seven sprites. All of who were safely hidden from her alcoholic rage.

"We really should send her to some AAA meetings along with an anger management class," whispered Aqua to his companions.

"Um....It's probably a bad idea but....Um....Well...I still opt for...uh...just killing her," said Timid.

"As much as I'd love to agree with you Timid, we need her for the disclaimer segment," said Bold.

Meanwhile, Hoggy was stuffing his mouth full of food like he normally did when he was scared....Wait a second....He does that all the time.

Nappy rubbed his eyes; all of Karen's yelling had resulted in a lack of sleep for the poor sprite. "But doing the disclaimer segment means someone needs to go down there and talk to her."

"Don't we have an overcom?" Kappa said, a hint of worry in his voice. That lack of sleep was certainly putting a toll on Nappy.

"True," said Chef. "We might as well go and do it."

Staid tilted his head in confusion. "You know, I realized that I did the disclaimer in the beginning but now Chef is doing it."

"Its a parody. It doesn't matter if the author is inconsistent," explained Hoggy between bites of food.

And with that being said, Chef went to do the disclaimer from a safe distance in the intercom room.

Down below in THE ROOM!!! Karen was thinking of things that we can not describe as when we attempted to...It terrified us. Okay, so we aren't a big fan of scary movies. Anyways, she was thinking unspeakable things until the voice was heard. "Karen could you do the disclaimer?"

She glared at the ceiling. The being that had taken away her alcoholic beverages was there and they would pay.

"It would get you out of here...."

Karen thought for a moment before agreeing. It would get her out of there and then she could come up with a plan to destroy the idiots who had done this to her. "The evil author of this story doesn't own Natasume, Know Your Stars, War Of The Worlds, or a chicken."

"CHICKEN TIME!!!" Bold cried out about to do his regular run after the disclaimer deal but upon noticing his error, he stopped. "Wait...Oh! CHAPTER TIME!!!"

Elli was doing her regular pharmaceutical work. Basically, it was her job to man the counter where one could buy four different types of medicine that could also be concocted at home because Doctor couldn't because his name is Doctor and not Pharmacist. And that was exactly what she was doing or had been doing until she brought to THE ROOM!!!

Elli glanced about the room lit only by two overhead lightbulbs. "Um...How may I help you?" she asked, although a part of her doubted that anyone or anything here wanted to buy medicine and even if they did, all of the medicine was back in the clinic.

But apparently, the person had some serious mental issues instead because the first words out of their mouth was "Elli likes to watch those doctor drama shows."

Elli's eyes widened. How could anyone know? She had been so careful to make sure her secret was never found out. "Have you been stalking me or something?" she asked accusingly.

The voice replied in a shifty tone, "You'll never know."

Elli frowned. She thought that she had snuck over to Jack's house so sneakily that not even the best stalker in Mineral Town could have spotted her. But apparently, there was someone even better out there and she cursed her ignorance.

"Elli likes to cosplay," the voice announced, interrupting the internal monologue.

"Where would you get that crazy idea?!?" Elli cried. It was getting very hot in here and Elli put the blame on the lightbulbs even though her face was beet red with blush.

The voice decided not to ignore that question and simply stated, "She often forces Doctor to cosplay with her."

The nurse/pharmacist sighed, "That would be impossible. Doctor never wears anything besides his doctor scrubs."

A pause. Then, "Elli watches Doctor sleep."

Elli's face flustered even more if that was possible and she screamed at a volume that one would never expect from Elli, "WHAT THE HECK?!?!?"

"Well....You **said** that he never wears anything besides his doctor scrubs; therefore, you must have seen him sleep in it."

"I-I meant that he only wears that most of the time," Elli hastily recovered.

"Then...What does he wear the other percent of the time?"

As if he was souly in THE ROOM!!! to answer their question, which in all actuality...he was, Doctor walked by in a fluffy chicky costume.

After Doctor had faded back into the darkness of the non-lit parts of THE ROOM!!!, Elli tried to clear some somethings up, "Usually NOT that."

"Okay...." answered the voice as if it really didn't believe her. "Elli has a massive collection of pictures of Doctor hidden in a shoebox hidden in another box hidden in her closet's ceiling."

Elli didn't say anything. She couldn't. She was too shocked that someone had actually found her collection of Doctor pictures, much less actually know of their existence.

"Elli isn't really a nurse. She's just a pharmacist."

She snapped out of her shocked stupor and screamed, "What? I AM too a nurse and I plan to be a great one!"

"Doctor just calls you a nurse because he's upset about not being a pharmacist himself."

"That' it. You are so dead now," Elli mumbled under her breath. Thanks to medical school, she knew of many ways to kill a person and now she could finally put them to use.

"Well, now you know more about Elli, the nurse who is really a pharmacist. She likes to watch doctor drama shows and cosplay. Often she has Doctor cosplay with her when he isn't wearing his doctor suit or chicky suit. In between these activities and work, she watches Doctor sleep and takes photos of him to put her collection of pictures or Doctor hidden in a shoebox hidden in another box hidden in her closet's ceiling."

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Lone Kunoichi: Sorry for offending anyone's favorite characters. I hope that this is remotely funny. The cosplay idea came out of a picture that I saw on Devianart. Next time will be Mary and unfortunately, that will take a while as I do not have anything for her character and Junior year is not exactly a cake walk. To make up for my lack of updates on this fic, I will upload a little ficlet that went with the original copy.

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